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Napology Announcement

April 1, 2011

For Immediate Release (4/1/2011):

In a time when the economy is being so unkind to so many, the scientists at the World Napology/Dipeology Association (WNDA) have declared a new way to save money. Instead of purchasing disposable diapers month after month and filling up landfills week after week, now parents have the option to grow their own diapers!

We’ve all heard about the study of nappies that started last decade – Napology (commonly known as Dipeology in North America). This science stemmed from the ever growing popularity of the green movement and the need for sustainable infant diapers and supplies.

Long before the WNDA was officially established, a young French scientist by the name of Noam Girard, was fast becoming a pioneer in the field of Napology. In 1972, due to space constraints within the garbage collection system, he recognized and documented the need for a sustainable diapering alternative for his home town of Metz, France. Paper diapers were abundant in the landfills there and this problem continued farther South, even into central France.

After much study and multiple failures, Girard broke major ground in 1998 with his design of a nappy seed. The seed could be tucked into a small hole in any standard baby diaper. After the nappy was sufficiently wetted, it could be buried 15cm (approximately 6 inches) below the ground. Any soil type was found to work; however, Girard did note that sandy soil needed additional fertilizer to produce a tree strong enough to withstand the weight of the nappy fruit.

In as little as one year, the nappy seed will grow into a small bush of about one meter (a little over 3 feet) in height; however, it will not begin producing nappy fruit until the following year. This amazing invention was years ahead of its time and earned Noam Girard the distinguished honor of being named the Father of Napology.

In addition to the need for advanced planting prior to baby’s arrival, the original nappy fruit, though purely synthetic, did not grow super absorbent polymers (SAPs) or sticky tabs. This flaw left the nappy with the inability to fasten around the child securely. In addition, without SAPs, the nappy was unable to absorb baby’s frequent deposits. Girard and his team quickly recognized the fruit’s shortcomings and wasted little time finding a “work-around” for their new creation. Their recommendation: the addition of duct tape to solve both issues. However, the solution did not come without the following warning: “Great care should be exercised when removing duct tape from the nappy once it is affixed to a child. Skin rashes and the potential flooding of the surface upon which the child is located are both possible.”

Fast-forward 12 years to present day 2011: Dr. Brady Hans, president of the WNDA, has today announced that Mr. Girards original seed has successfully been altered so that sticky tabs are now developing on some of the newest strains of nappy trees that were planted in early 2009. “This is exciting news for parents and caregivers world-wide!” Dr. Hans states, “Removing the necessary addition of duct tape also removes the likelihood of skin irritations and infections. To put it simply, this means we are one step closer to providing a real alternative to the traditional disposable diaper. Sustainable Napology benefits moms and dads from sea to sea.”

Hans’ staff expects the new seeds to be available in the United Kingdom, Ireland, Australia and North America as early as January 2012. Since the nappy fruit doesn’t emerge until the second year after planting, this news comes just in time for anyone expecting children in 2014.

Happy April Fool’s Day!

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